Success is elusive when video games are so much more tempting, but it’s important to achieve success in order to acquire more time for video games. This troubling duality is the essence of life confronted in the Tao.
I’m a successful, brick-jawed, adventurous blogger who loves to game and I’m here to help you become a success too. What follows are the critical skills, achievements worth earning, and talents to strive for to help you succeed just enough so you can feed your digital addiction and get your mom off your fucking back, mom.
Excellence in any of these skills will lead to success, while improving them all, particularly in order, will certainly make you a better, cooler, potentially less odorous individual.
None of this, however, can make up for a goatee.
What makes video games great?
Simple: the potential for complete immersion.
What a good book or film does with the imagination, or song does with the ear, or massage to skin, Rembrandt to the eye, savory scent with memory; video games can and have done as well, to varying degrees. Yes, video games have smelled, although, perhaps fortunately, they have not yet made us taste them.
Immersion is a composite affect. In a typical video game, it’s produced through visuals, sound and interactive narrative, sometimes even physical sport, all to bring you to worlds as simple as Tetris, as carefree as Wii Bowling, as lush as World of Warcraft or as intricate as EVE Online. Each aspect of a game- everything from economy to voice-over- nuances the whole, and each aspect can excel to accommodate deficiency in the others. But when too many fail the game is generally forgotten, and later severely discounted for a Summer sale.
Flaws in game design are a complicated topic, so I’d rather scale down and talk about something a little more manageable. I want to talk about nonessential systems that are detracting or distracting from potential immersion, often by disabling games in ways that make play unappealing or even impossible.
What unnecessarily hurts video games and their immersive potential? The major issues I’ll cover are:
I am a fool.
Like an asshole, I skipped the article once I had the gist and went straight for the comments, only to be shocked by finding yet again that so many others are assholes too, but in a truly repellant way. I had discovered at least twenty males flailing to excuse the aggression suffered by Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn and countless other women online, each fedor’-adorned neck-beard surely brimming with complicated justifications for their decrepit logic.
However, nothing within reason could justify the harassment female gamers or women online in general receive on a regular basis. Ultimately, no argument for tougher skin can hurdle the fact that original fault lies with any instigator, not their victims.
The success of Activision-then-Blizzard’s Hearthstone should not come as a surprise, Blizzard having mastered the art of operant conditioning. The game swept literally 100% of the world’s nations, especially the ones without internet, with the exception of North Korea excluding the rumpus room of King Jong-un. Hearthstone’s importance to humanity cannot be understated, being so great that the Battle.net launch screen should be carved beneath the foot of every monument.
It is critical for citizens of the world to understand how to play The Hearthstone effectively, and so I have taken chisel in hand to engrave here wisdom I’ve divined from the cards and for the benefit of all mankind. Here are the 10 Improbably Best Hearthstone Cards: cards so great that their greatness has been concealed with great care, now greatly revealed.
You may thank me with glorious comments.
Welcome to Hell!
No doubt you’re surprised to be here. What did you do to deserve this? I’m sure you can figure it out yourself!
Just know now that, amongst the trials and torments you’ll experience here, Hell offers a superior range of choice music from the land of the living of which you used to be an occupant. As you descend through the levels of Hell to the icy lake Cocytus, we will play an album made specially for you comprised of songs from your favorite genre. Being that this is Hell, however, we choose the songs, and they will be set to the tone of our respective… departments.
For you, we have chosen a compilation of songs from a wonderful group of threatening teenagers by the name of Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, or just Odd Future for short; I do so love saying the whole thing, myself.
Surprised you get to enjoy rap as part of your punishment? Well, this is Hell, after all. Country music lovers have to go Heaven, thankfully.
Please, step onto the elevator. We must begin our descent. Watch the doors.
I’m not a man who shares his heart. I don’t care for emotion but when the sun shines and the waves break and friends laugh and true beauty shows me natural art and joy.
Yet suddenly I felt like writing a love letter. Not of true yearning, instead as a creative exercise, though not without truth and, hopefully, poetry (in form, at least).
I thought to myself, of the women I’ve loved, who should it be about? Each kind, graceful and radiant in their own way, which muse would guide me better?
Then I thought, “Wouldn’t it be funnier if I wrote it about Minecraft instead?”
I fucking love Minecraft more than any other video game, but I lost my account information over a year ago. I have to buy it again and thus my heart was broken.
And so, I wrote this love letter to Minecraft. Then it turned into a poem as written by a guy who doesn’t write poetry. Heh.