Welcome to Hell!
No doubt you’re surprised to be here. What did you do to deserve this? I’m sure you can figure it out yourself!
Just know now that, amongst the trials and torments you’ll experience here, Hell offers a superior range of choice music from the land of the living of which you used to be an occupant. As you descend through the levels of Hell to the icy lake Cocytus, we will play an album made specially for you comprised of songs from your favorite genre. Being that this is Hell, however, we choose the songs, and they will be set to the tone of our respective… departments.
For you, we have chosen a compilation of songs from a wonderful group of threatening teenagers by the name of Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, or just Odd Future for short; I do so love saying the whole thing, myself.
Surprised you get to enjoy rap as part of your punishment? Well, this is Hell, after all. Country music lovers have to go Heaven, thankfully.
Please, step onto the elevator. We must begin our descent. Watch the doors.
Limbo: Odd Future’s “Analog 2“
As we pass through the uppermost level of Hell, you may notice that it seems rather pleasant. But do not be fooled by a vast meadow of soft, autumn flowers before a castle and lake so grand: this is Limbo, a place for those who have not earned Heaven.
Here, a pious life lived purposelessly results in a spirit dull and unable to speak. Those of greater will and merit reside in the castle where they feast, reminisce and argue. Were it only that your punishment should be so meek, but we must continue. You need not be judged by the serpentine ward of the lower levels; I already know where you are going.
Lust: Frank Ocean’s “Pyramids“
Now we enter Hell proper, or as proper as it can be. We’re passing through an immense pyramid bound by a desert spanning to infinity and encompassed in an unceasing storm that tears at the flesh. In here, though, all your carnal desires may be tended, and your indiscretions punished.
Indulgence feeds the sexual hunger of these souls, but never will they be sated. Their wantonness escalates until, in desperation, they flee into the cold wind and infinite sand. Now lost, unholy instrumentalists taunt them with unremitting song. You, however, are bound for greater things. Next, we pass through the gluttons.
Gluttony: Mellowhype’s “Monster“
Forgive me, but if the severity of your situation hasn’t affected you then the weight of this beat should. I do love Mellowhype, but I digress.
The gluttons here lie in icy waste that rains eternally upon them. Burdened forever are they by vice, never clean of its stain or the ceaseless watch of the three-headed beast Cerberus. Fear not though; we must only fill his mouths with mud to proceed. Do be careful though. He bites.
Greed: Odd Future’s “Money Talks“
Oh, the greedy. Such an easy sin to pass, much more than those stones, for sure. Tsk tsk.
The great demon Pluto resides here watching over two divisions of the greedy, those who hoard and those who squander, forever jousting against the other. Each group, with their chests, shoves great boulders at each other and clashes, then turns to make room to return and clash again. Sad, yet still, such weight of stone cannot compare to the weight of sin against their souls.
Anger: Trash Talk’s “Just A Taste“
Oh, surprised to hear rock? These gentleman are part of the Odd Future label. Get used to this; Hell is full of more surprises than you’ll like.
On this level, the wrathful drown in the river Styx. Each drags the other under in a desperate struggle to be free of the chilly waters, yet none ever escape. From below, terrible leviathans pluck flesh and souls into the deep. Care for a swim before we go?